Hopeless Romantics

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a hopeless romantic.  I’ve always believed in an unending love and the kind of love that keeps you feeling warm even during the coldest nights.  Some people say I believe in “fairy tales” and if that’s what they call it, so be it.  I still believe that real love never dies.  It’s like crawling into a huge feather bed with a warm quilt.  It’s like a piece of ice on your neck in the desert and it’s like the sweetest cherry you’ve ever tasted.   The kind of love I believe still exists is so hard to describe with words.  When this kind of love enters your life you feel there is nothing you can’t do.  You want to be a better person because of the one you love. 

Imitations for this “fairy tale” romance have come and gone and faded with time.  Are you seeking this kind of love or is it already in your life?  Was it at one time and you let it go?  Would you know it if it hit you square between the eyes?  Do you pray for God to give you the desires of your heart?  And, what would you do if He did?

My choices have failed and disappointed me.  But I know God’s choice will not.  Communication will be easy and laughter, plenty.  Deepest thoughts, dreams and wishes will be shared.  Emotional, spiritual and physical connectivity will be off the charts!  God invented romance so expect nothing but the absolute best.

I’ve had friends tell me, “The kind of love you seek doesn’t exist.”  I beg to differ.  All it takes is a little time spent with Song of Solomon to see an example of the kind of love that has changed history.  This kind of love has inspired songs, books, careers, passions and miracles.  And, it does exist.  We just don’t see it displayed often today.

I don’t know about you my single friends…but that’s the kind of love I am counting on.  It’s what a hopeless romantic does.

Random Morality

        I miss Mayberry!  What ever happened to good old-fashioned morals.  Look around you…in business, in our community and in our personal lives it appears we’ve compromised our morals.  It begs the question, “Why?”  Greed, lust, pride, jealousy, vanity, desire.  The list could go on and on.  We live in a world of “random morality.”  It’s random because we put our morals in practice when it is convenient.

        What happened to corporate responsiblity?  Today’s consumers don’t trust business.  At one time the two most trusted professionals in our lives were our banker and our doctor.  Need I remind you where the banker falls today?  It’s become so bad that universities are now adding classes on “Ethics” in the business curriculum.    Money is not evil.  But, if it has such a hold on us that we are consumed with greed, our morals are compromised. 

        My business is the business of advertising and I am ashamed to say that there are companies that use their advertising to persuade consumers to purchase goods and services in ways that are sometimes unethical.  The Federal Trade Commission had to put a policy in place that restricts companies from making false claims!  But we still hear of companies who push their claims to the edge as far as possible.  Why?

         What does the Bible say about business ethics?   Leviticus 25:43 ” You shall not rule over him ruthlessly but shall fear your God.”   There are scriptures throughout the Bible that talks about honest in business.  Proverbs 11:1 “A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is his delight.” 

        Our schools are teaching birth control but who is teaching abstinence?  I’m not saying we shouldn’t be teaching birth control but shouldn’t we be talking about the benefits of abstinence?  Why is it important.  And how many of us single adults are setting the right example? 

        I am far from being perfect but I must say that as a Christian single woman, I’ve struggled with “random morality” just as many of my single friends.   My Christian single friends and I have had many conversations on this topic.  I would not be one to judge any of them.  Some have made a commitment to live a pure life until they marry again.  Some don’t even consider that option.  1 Thessalonians 4:3, 7 tell us “God wants you to live a pure life.  Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity.”  Yes Lord, we say…but you made us this way.  It is so difficult and since I’ve already been married, it really doesn’t apply to me.    Really.

        Recently my pastor preached a sermon on the topic of sex before marriage and it didn’t matter how old or how experienced we were.  It was relevant.  Yes, God gave us a beautiful gift but if it is misused, there are consequences.  Emotional scars and memories from past relationships can pose problems for future happiness.  I had never really considered that before.  But I know it is true.  And, if those of us who are single again really hope to have God write our love stories, there is someone for us that will meet the desires of our hearts and bring us more love than we ever imagined.  I’ve asked myself if I really want to do anything that might hurt that relationship?  And do I really want to compete with the ghosts and the memories of a multitude of relationships?  God knew what he was doing when he gave us guidelines for life.  Our own human reasoning causes us to justify our actions because it is convenient.  Radom morality has touched most of us in some way.

        Billboards, magazines, movies, television all tempt us with images that are appealing.  It’s not easy living a pure life.   It takes a lot of prayer and study of God’s word and we still fail.  And yes, God still forgives.  Thank God.  It’s not always easy to live the Christian life but God provides his word and the Holy Spirit to help us through the difficult times.  That sermon wasn’t an easy one for me to hear.  But it was one that touched my heart.  Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

        Random morality…in business, with our neighbors and in our relationships let us understand the consequences and pray for the strength to overcome and the courage to take a stand.

Hope — a life giving word

Without hope, the heart dies.  How do I know this?  I know this because I have witnessed first hand people who have become sick with heart disease because they have no hope for their future.  And, did you realize it is scriptural too?  Proverbs 13:12 – “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” 

It is amazing to me how God made our bodies and how science and God work together.   It is well documented that worry, depression and a pessimistic attitude can make a person sick.  So can anger and unforgiving spirit and loneliness.   I am so thankful that I have a God who gives me hope when I feel down, lonely or helpless.  It doesn’t happen often for me because I am a very optimistic person who believes that I can learn valuable lessons from every trial.  And, I know that God walks beside me through each and every valley.  So I have hope that whatever trial I am facing at the time will be temporary and that God will provide a way out for me.  I have hope.  Some may call it wishful thinking, blind optimism or hopeful dreams but I call it hope.  “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain.”  Hebrews 6:19.  If we believe in God and understand his power and his amazing grace, we can hope no matter what we face.  One out of five people have no belief about God.  These people have no hope.

If you believe God is your savior and you have accepted that Christ is the giver of life, there is no reason not to have hope.  Yet, so many Christians are walking around in this life without hope in their hearts.  There is a way out of despair and that is hope in what you’ve been promised as a Christian.  We are not promised that we will have no struggles in life but we are promised that the Holy Spirit will help us along the way.  If God cares about the sparrows, how much more does he care about you?  We are not alone in the world.  God has not forsaken us.  Our future is assured.  So no matter what happens on this earth, we are promised a heavenly home where there is no pain or sorrow.  This life is temporary and that alone should give us hope.   Our brothers and sisters in Christ can also help give us hope.  That is why we’ve been given a command to “forsake not the assembling of yourselves together.”  God knows we need other people in this life to lean on in times of trouble.  You just can’t get that kind of help from a television preacher.  I’m not knocking television evangelism but I am saying that without spending time with other Christians, you can lose your faith and can feel hopeless.  God made us to be with other people.  loneliness and non-support of others can make you sick.

Our church families and Christian friends provide encouragement along the way.   We are waiting for you to join us in our journey.  The journey is much more fun when you go with others. 

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade — kept in heaven for you.”  1 Peter 1:3-4

Everyone Has a Story

How many people do you come in contact with on a daily basis?  Have you ever stopped to consider that you are a part of the life of each person you meet?  Do you look into the eyes of those you meet and wonder “what’s their story?”  Are we so busy going about our daily lives that we are just going through the motions?  It is impossible to believe that we can influence the lives of each person we meet.  Or is it?  The least we can do is to share a smile.  

So many of us pray that God will make our lives one with purpose.   We want to know that we are doing something worthwhile with our lives.  And yet, we get caught up in the fact that we work in a factory or we work in an office and we’re not in the ministry.  One thing I know is sure, if you do whatever you do passionately and to the best of your ability, your life’s work can become your ministry.  It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do it passionately.

Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

My father once told me that no matter what I did to do it to the best of my ability.  If I worked for someone else, never shirk my duties or give my employer less than an honest day’s work because that was my signature.  That showed the kind of person I am.  Somebody is watching your life and the way you live it.  And while you may not be a minister, you are ministering to others by the way you live your life.  Have a life that other’s want to have.  

Everyone has a story.  You are a chapter in the story of others.  How does it read?  Have you taken the time to read someone else’s story?  How can your story influence the story of someone else?   I have not always been the best example for those around me.  There’ve been times that I didn’t allow God’s love to show through. 

What I know now is that my work is my ministry.  I manage a staff of sales people.  There is no greater satisfaction to me than when I help someone reach their goals and reach higher than they ever imagined.  And, I do my work passionately today.  I know that if my team is successful, the money we bring into our company helps pay salaries to a wonderful work family.  They have a story.  I don’t know them all but I do know that they are some of the nicest people I know with integrity and a desire to be the best they can be and to serve our community in the way our talents allow. 

As I live out my story, I want to be the best I can be so that others will want to read my story and know from which my strength comes.   All I have is each day with no promise of tomorrow.  Each day must count in some way.  Now I pause and think about the stories of others as I meet them within the course of my day.  Every person has a story.  Every life is worthy of time spent reading their story.  And everything we do is worth doing passionately, giving praise and thanks to our Lord and Savior.

Fan the Flames of Your Gifts

God has given each of us gifts to use to bless others while here on earth.  We often go through this life never discovering those gifts.  Some of us go through life knowing we have a gift but we don’t use it as God would have us do.  What a great loss to others when we don’t use our gifts.  It is human nature to want to help others but we don’t think about the fact that we are withholding that help when we don’t use the gifts God has given us.

Perhaps some of us believe we are not worthy or that our gifts are so minor that they wouldn’t make a difference.  I think of Moses and how he argued with God when he was selected to lead the children out of the wilderness.  Moses wasn’t a good speaker and he was afraid that he would embarrass himself or God by trying to lead others.  But look at what Moses was able to accomplish when he obeyed God and took a leap of faith.  What if he hadn’t chosen to use the gifts of leadership he’d been given by God?

Paul encouraged Timothy to use his gifts in 2 Timothy 1:3 – 7, “I thank God as I always mention you in my prayers, day and night.  I serve him, doing what I know is right as my ancestors did.  Remembering that you cried for me, I want very much to see you so I can be filled with joy.  I remember your true faith.  That faith first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I know you now have that same faith.  This is why I remind you to keep using the gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you.  Now let it grow, as a small flame grows into a fire.  God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control.”

This verse doesn’t tell us that when God gives us a gift that we will immediately be an expert!  No indeed.  This scripture explains that we must take a step of faith and begin using our gifts.  Continue to use our gifts to help our gifts grow just like fanning the flames causes a roaring fire.  So once you’ve discovered your gifts, believe in God’s power to help you grow and to help others through your gifts.  You may start out small and begin by helping one person with your gift.  But that one person may pay it forward and it will continue to bless others along the way.

Consider this.  A young father has lost his job and is having a difficult time finding a job.  He has become so discouraged that he has very little will to get up another day and walk out the door in search of a job to support his family.  The wife and the children area all suffering because he is feeling worthless, useless and discouraged.  God has given you the gift of encouragement and has helped you grow as a prayer warrior.   You pray for your friend and you spend time with him speaking words of encouragement.  You pray with him and he leaves feeling encouraged and renewed in strength.  Not only have you helped him, you’ve helped his wife and his children.  Now, this is just a very small example and on a small-scale but imagine how big it would be if all God’s children used our gifts.

I for one am so thankful that many of my Christian friends used their gift of prayer and faith as they prayed that God would guide the hands of my neurosurgeon when I had back surgery recently.  With the complications that I had during surgery, I know God has His hand on my surgeon’s hands and guided him as he navigated a very serious complication of having to move a nerve that was growing into my spine.  I could have been paralyzed and we were completely unprepared for this discovery.  But God knew.  And, my friend’s had been faithful in their prayers and faith that I would be o.k.   There is no doubt in my mind that those prayers were honored and I was blessed because of them.

Paul left Timothy to lead the church at Ephesus.  When Timothy began his ministry there, the church was in a mess.  It had been a model church but sometimes good churches can go bad.  We don’t know exactly what went wrong at the church of Ephesus but we do know that Timothy needed encouragement along the way as he ministered to the church.  In the end, Timothy kept the faith and fanned the flames of his gift seeing many led to Christ because of his ministry.  As he tried to stop pagan worship later in his life, he was stoned to death.  He kept the faith to the end.

2 Timothy 1:13 – “Follow the pattern of the sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.  Sound words are not information about God but a path to walk in by faith and love. Words and living are part of the same thing, not different realms of existence.  So keep at your work, this faith and love rooted in Christ, exactly as I set it out for you. It’s as sound as the day you first heard it from me. Guard this precious thing placed in your custody by the Holy Spirit who works in us.”

“So keep at your work….” using the gifts God has given you.  That is your work.  “Guard this precious thing placed in your custody by the Holy Spirit…”  Guard it and fan the flames.  Let your gift become a roaring fire that warms the souls of many.

Our Choices and God’s Plan B

Many of us have spent hours in prayer asking God to provide us with answers.  We struggle asking God to show us his plan for our lives.  I know that I’ve have asked God on numerous occasions to give me some direction regarding his will for my life.  How many of us have wondered about God’s will?  I dare say most of us Christians have definitely at some point in our lives struggled when we were trying to make a decision about something we wanted to do or plans we were making.

I’ve just read “Understanding God’s Will” by the late Kyle Lake.   In his book, Kyle reveals there is no magic formula in understanding God’s will for our lives.   I’m 55 and I think I’ve just followed the example I’ve witnessed over the years in church and with Christian friends and even Pastors who’ve prayed that prayer asking God to help us understand his will for our lives.   This book just made so much sense.  The Plan B part is my own addition based on what I have now read and understand.

You see, it’s really simple.  God has given us all the freedom to make our own decisions and choices.  But he has given us so much more by giving us his Word which provides much direction regarding the kind of lives we should lead.  God has also provided us with a brain and expects us to feed that brain with his Word and the ability to do some serious critical thinking.  When we as Christians study God’s Word and when we ask the Holy Spirit to guide us, our conscious can provide us some idea of whether we are heading in the right direction or taking the wrong path with our lives.   All we really have to do is pay attention to what our conscious is telling us. 

Think of it this way.  When you are making those plans or decisions about things and it is right, you have no question or no little nudge telling you that you could be making a mistake.  You just feel right and good about where you are headed.  But, if you are headed in the wrong direction, there is a gentle nagging causing you to question those plans or decisions.  That is when you need to pay attention.  

You see, there are no scriptures in God’s Word that tells us we should seek the will of God for our lives.  There is no passage of scripture that tells us how we would know God’s will either.  I am convinced after reading this book and in my scripture search that the question we should be asking ourselves is “How do I make better choices?”  I know you all can relate to what I’m saying here now!  Yep, when I think about all the bad choices I’ve made in my life, I can tell you exactly where I went wrong in making those choices.  Often, it was a snap decision on my part without any real thought!  Go ahead.  Think about your poor choices.  Can you pinpoint how you made that bad choice?  Many of you, like me may have made a decision quickly without thought.  Other poor choices came when I was just too stubborn even though my heart told me it was the wrong choice.  It was something I wanted or I thought I could fix the situation.  Or maybe I just wanted to prove someone else wrong.  Yes, I can be pretty stubborn and with that stubbornness comes pride.  I’ve been guilty of them all.

So, I believe that we should ask God to help us make better choices.  God created us as humans and has given us a road map to heaven.  He has provided us with instructions for living a good life and has provided direction in how we can serve God and others.   But he also gives us free will to do as we see fit to do.

Now here’s the hard part.  Even though we make good choices, sometimes things just don’t work out right.    We have to remember that even if we know we are making good decisions and the right choices, if other people are involved — they too have the opportunity to make their own decisions and choices.  So, they might not go along with your decision.  They may put a kink in your well laid-out plans for your life.  At that time, your good decision or choice doesn’t turn out so well.  It doesn’t mean you didn’t do the right thing.  It just means that is when God’s Plan B comes into play.  God always has a Plan B and he will make sure things turn out as they should in the long run.   

Sometimes we make a decision or choice and it is based on limited information.  We are not God.  We don’t always have all the information and we are not all knowing as God is.  So, we make a decision or choice based on the information we have and it doesn’t work for us.  Again, here’s where God’s Plan B comes into play.

What do I mean by God’s Plan B?  Romans 8:28 tells us “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.”   God is always there for us and when we have done all we can to make the best decisions; God will be there to provide a Plan B if needed.  We don’t have to know exactly how to pray or what to pray for because the Holy Spirit knows exactly what to pray on our behalf for in this instance.    Some Christians believe this is a scripture that is somehow saying that everything happens for a reason and that whatever happens; it is for the greater good.  Try telling that to someone who has just lost a child, a spouse, a parent or a friend.  Yes, even in death, something good can come from it but I don’t believe that God causes everything.  He turned this earth over to Satan and God’s power is greater than Satan’s but some things happen just because that’s life.  It’s just the way it is.  Everything that happens to us doesn’t have to have a purpose or reason.  It’s just the daily grind of life on this earth.

Wow, recognizing that just cleared a ton of questions from my mind.  Now I don’t have to ask God why something happened or what it means when something happens or what message or lesson I need to learn from it each time something confusing happens in my life.   As long as I read God’s Word and live according to God’s Word, God has my back. 

Looking back through my life and all the poor choices and decisions that I have made, I can say that I did learn a lot of lessons the hard way.  I can also say that each time as I found myself in a huge valley with quick sand and me drowning in fear, heartache and stress, God never failed to help me get out of that hole and on the right path again.  That’s what I mean by God’s Plan B. 

And now that I realize God has provided me everything I need to make the right choices, I see that now I can approach life’s questions, my plans, my decisions and my choices differently.  I will examine all the information I have and make a decision based on that information with the good brain God has given me.  Sometimes I may make a mistake and sometimes other people may be involved so all doesn’t go as planned but I know now that I can spend my prayer time more effectively praying for the needs of others and giving thanks for all God’s blessings.  I don’t have to spend that quality prayer time pleading for God to reveal His will for my life.  I’m living it.

Let Go & Let God………

As a person who has always been one to enjoy controlling things, being the leader, giving the orders, and planning my life, it has been a real challenge learning how to just let go and let God have the control over my life.  I liked to make lists, develop strategies and plans for achieving my goals and in most cases have achieved the things I’ve wanted to achieve in my life.  But when it came to the very personal aspects of my life, I’ve not done such a great job.  Poor choices and impatience have often messed up anything closely related to the “up close and personal” aspects of my life. 

From the time I was a young gal, I would defend the underdog, be eternally optimistic in seeing the good in all people and always felt if I gave enough of myself, I could help another person overcome whatever their problems or issues were.  It’s a nice thought, but no one has that kind of power over another person.  No one but God. 

And, as it related to me, I always felt if I wanted something bad enough, I could have it.  Not only could I have it, I could work hard to make it perfect and fit into my life like a neat little package.  This is a tough revelation when you look into a mirror and you realize you are only human and certainly not capable of being a wonder woman in this lifetime.  

I’ve been this strong woman ever since I began to take care of things for my family when I was 10 years old.  God has always been there for me to give me strength even when I messed things up.  God has never failed me when I called upon him for help….many times after I have royally messed up God’s plan for my life because I had plans of my own.    I’d go through days where I felt confident I was doing the right thing and knew what was best for me and just didn’t need any help to run my life.  Then I’d come tumbling down with pain and heartache and cry out to the one I knew would be there for me even when everyone else had disappeared from my life.  You really figure out who your true friends are when you are going through a valley.  Because the real friends are there for you, while the others just distance themselves as far away as they can.  There’s always a reason of course but they’re always gone.  God never gives you that excuse.  He is always there.

Romans 8:37 -39  “But in all these things we have full victory through God who showed his love for us.  Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, nothing below us, nor anything else in the who world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord.”

Wow, is that not powerful?  Nothing.  No one.  Now.  In the future.  Above Us.  Below Us.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing will ever separate us from the love of God!  No matter how much I meddle in God’s business or how big a mess I make of my life, I can depend on God to be there for me because I can not be separated from his love.

Even with all this love, it is still difficult to just let things go and let God handle it all for you when you are someone who tends to be in control at work, at home, or is the one who generally makes decisions all the time.  Very hard indeed.  I had to take it in small steps and begin to just wake up each day asking God to help me as I went through the day so that I would just “be” in the moment and not try to think about anything but that day.  I pray that God opens my eyes to the opportunities he presents for me that day so I can make the most of each day as it comes.  I ask God to help me to remember that he is the one in control and that when it comes to my life and my personal choices, he should be the one to guide me and not my own self because of whatever human understanding or needs I might have.

Here’s what I’ve found.  When I take each day — one day at a time and ask for God’s help for me to stay in the present, a ton of worries roll off my shoulders.  I really don’t have to think about the future or what may happen tomorrow.  God has it under control.  It is such a freeing feeling.  Stress rolls away and I don’t find myself trying to develop plans of action to get what I want.  Those things just “fall into my lap.”  It is so much easier.  Now, I’m not saying that when you begin to let go and let God have it all that you have no problems anymore because that just wouldn’t be true.  God didn’t promise us that our lives would be easy but he did promise to always be there for us to love us and help us through this life.

Matthews 6:34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow with have its own worries.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”   When I take each day as it comes, I find that whatever comes to me in the form of worries or trouble is much easier if I just take it as it comes with God’s help.  I don’t have to worry because I turn it over to God and ask him to either help me deal with the consequences or help me work through it to a satisfactory conclusion for all involved. 

The only way I know how to describe this wonderful feeling of letting go and letting God have his way is to say that the caterpillar wraps himself into a cocoon after many days crawling around.  When the time comes for this caterpillar to go to the next stage in his life, he awakens with wings and as a butterfly can fly!  How amazing.  I felt like a caterpillar crawling around, slowly getting to where I needed to be but when I learned to let go and let God take control, I became like a butterfly with wings to fly.  The weight of the world gone.  Stress gone.  More joy and more happiness.  

I have the same desires that most 55 year old single woman have.  I’d love to have a special person in my life to share my life with but I don’t worry about it because God is there to love me each and every day no matter what my mood, or how I look or feel that day.  It would be nice to not have all the responsibilities to deal with alone, but I don’t worry about it.  God is here to help me guide me in the right direction and give me the strength to deal with all those responsibilities.  God is with me each day and no matter what I’m presented with on a daily basis, he is there to help me get through it each day.  I am not alone.  And, no one or no thing can separate me from his love.  

Even with back surgery, normal everyday struggles and disappointments we all face — I feel like I am just like the butterfly.  I can fly.  You can too.

More than Enough

When I was ten years old, I lost my father to an accident at work.   Daddy was only 34 when he died.  He left a wife, a son – 9, a new daughter – 16 weeks old and me behind.  I adored my father and have very fond memories of spending time with him.  The lessons I learned from him in those few short years are still very vivid in my mind.  My father was larger than life to me.  He worked as a foreman offshore for an oil company and was gone for a couple of weeks at a time but would be fully home with us for a week before going back out.  In those times we had together, he taught me the basic things I needed to know about cleaning my room, sweeping and mopping a floor, how to cook a few things, play ball, ride a bike and displayed love and affection to my mother and our entire family.  I knew he was a responsible man and cared very much for us.  Prior to his death, we visited a pet store and he saw that I was really interested in birds.  His favorite was the Mynah bird because they were great imitators.  I saw a blue parakeet and told Daddy that I liked the “blue ones better than the green ones.”  The next week, I came home and he had bought me a little blue parakeet!  I named him Tweety Bird.   I know that wasn’t very creative, but hey..I was just 9 when I got the bird.

My brother and I slept in Bunk beds in the same room and the bird was in my room.  It was Daddy that taught me that I now had a responsibility to Tweety Bird and it was up to me to keep his cage cleaned and to keep him fed and watered.  He told me that Tweety depended on me like I depended on him to take care of me.  It really made an impact on me and I loved that bird with all my heart.  Every night my daddy would come in to tuck me and Michael to bed.  He would tell us “I love you” before he’d turn out the light.  Often times, Michael and I would continue talking after the lights were out.   Most nights, Daddy would have to come back into our room and tell us “Hush up and go to sleep.”  He said that so often that Tweety began to tell us “Hush up and go to sleep” and “Be quiet” when Daddy would turn out the light.  Tweety was a smart bird and picked up the little things we would say frequently to him.  The bird became even more special to me after my Daddy died. 

 Now, I knew that my Daddy didn’t want to leave us but God must have needed him in heaven so he was with God and not with us.  As a child, I understood the concept of it all but I really felt alone when I lost my father.  My mother was there but she was responsible for all of us alone now and she had a new baby as well.  I was the oldest and my brother was just over a year younger than me so we began to lean on one another because Mom was preoccupied with a little one. 

 Now the male bond I had was the one with my brother.  We became very close and we shared our fears, our dreams and all of our frustrations with one another.  He knew me better than anyone.  As we grew up, that bond only strengthened as we continued to lean on one another as Mom began to date and try to carve out a new life for all of us.   Michael was and will always be one of the most gentle and caring men I have ever known. 

 Soon after my father’s death, my mom became ill and I would often take my crying baby sister into my own bed, change her, feed her and comfort her as we fell asleep in my bed.  I was a “little mother” to her and a comforter to my brother.  I felt much older than ten years old and tried to help Mother as much as I could.

Mother married a wonderful man about two years after my father died.  I was very fortunate and my father would have been happy with her selection.  I didn’t realize this at the time of course.  When the announcement of their upcoming marriage came, all I could think about was that I lost my father and now I was losing my mother too.  I wasn’t happy and told them so.  My step father took it all in and was very patient with me as I adjusted to the idea.  It took time but as I grew up, I realized that he was a wonderful man who taught me real values and loved my mother with her small brood.  He had no children of his own at the time and always wanted them.  Well, Mother delivered a ready made family to him with two children on the verge of adolescence and a toddler too.  A couple years later, they blessed us with another sibling when my sister was born.  (I have a real difficult time saying she is my “half-sister” — what is that for heavens sake?  She isn’t half a person but a whole person and I consider her my sister….not half of anything.) 

 Not only was I much older emotionally and in my mind than the years I’d spent on earth, I had also become an over achiever.  It was what I did to get whatever attention I could get from a mother who was stretched to the limit when my father died and then after another new baby came along.  I just never felt I could do enough to get her attention.  So, I over achieved and felt good about myself because I was a good student.  I did so well in school that I graduated at the age of 16 while I was still a Junior in High School.

My brother and I remained close as we became young adults.  He was such a sensitive soul and a good hearted young man.  He knew me better than anyone because I knew he would love me no matter what my faults.  I shared my hopes and dreams and all my disappointments with my brother.  After my father died, my brother – Michael was the prominent male figure in my life.  I didn’t fully appreciate my step father until I left home.  When I was 20 and my brother 19, I lost him in an automobile accident.  Michael was so full of hope when we lost him and was engaged to be married.  His entire life lay before him and he was gone without warning.  We had just celebrated our birthdays at Mom’s.  All of us had gathered together on Sunday after church to have a birthday dinner for us.  Both of our birthdays were in November — mine on the 2nd and his on the 27th.  The next day, he was gone.  He was on his way to work when the tie rod in his car broke.  He veered across the yellow line and an 18-wheeler hit him head on. 

How could I manage to live on without him.  I cried out to God asking why Michael?  Why not me?  By that time I was married and had a child but I was so hurt that I asked God why didn’t he take me instead?  Michael was a much better person that I and had so much life to live.  I didn’t know how I would go on without my best friend, my brother.   Why did the men I depended on most in my life desert me?  Why did I have to feel so much pain?  I can’t bear to go through something like this again.  Those thoughts have haunted me to this day. 

 Dreams of a long dark road with my dad or my brother at the end of the road haunted me.  I would see them and be so happy that I would start running to meet them but when I got to the end of the road, they were gone and I was alone.

I had attended church all my life.  I knew to turn to God for comfort and to trust in Him because He was supposed to be the One we turn to in times of need.  I had been taught that God supplies every need.  My mind remembered the scriptures and I would say that I had “faith” and that I knew God would comfort our family and dry our tears.  I knew these things in my mind but my heart ached and I felt that the important men in my life always left me.   The men who meant the most to me always seemed to go away.  So, at an early age, I begin to put up walls and didn’t want to get too close to any male person.  I was afraid to be vulnerable and to let myself care “too much” lest I feel that terrible pain I’ve lived with since childhood.

My stepfather then became the “man” who had the most influence in my life and I just wouldn’t allow myself to get too close to him even though I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.  It wasn’t until a few years before he was diagnosed with cancer that I began to call him Dad.  I told him that I admired him for marrying my mom and taking care of three children that were not his own.  Then when he had a child of his own, he didn’t treat us differently.  I appreciated his ability to embrace the family of my father.  He never failed to take us to visit his grave which was several hours away.  He took us to visit my father’s family several times a year and even they accepted him into the family because of his respect for my father’s memory and the fact that he wanted to make sure we remained close to them.  I had long talks with my dad and often asked for his advice when I was unsure about things. 

By this time, I had divorced my children’s father after 8 years of marriage.  We were good friends but I had those walls up and it just didn’t seem that I was loved enough.  And, there was always that fear that if I allowed myself to be vulnerable and love completely, that person would leave.

Yes, once again I lost a significant man in my life when Dad (my stepfather) passed away with lung cancer.  My mom loved my father but the love of her life was my dad.  I watched Mom as she grieved the loss of the man she loved with all her heart.  I did not ever want to hurt that much.  So in all my future relationships, I held back…just enough to keep that little wall of protection around my heart.

Fast forward through more failed relationships and heartache.  The fear of losing someone I loved was bigger than my need to feel a complete love.  While there was one relationship that was with the one person I felt was the love of my life, it was filled with difficulties and problems.  It lasted 12 years.  There were times of pure joy but also times of pure hell within that relationship.  The love was there and I tried desperately to tear down the walls but because of the problems within the relationship which were caused by alcohol, I could never fully tear them down.  And again, I felt like I just wasn’t loved enough.  If I was, couldn’t the drinking just stop?  I had so much to learn.

God has been with me throughout the trials and heartaches in my life.  He has always been the One to pick me up when I fall, give me strength to carry on.  It has taken me years to realize that I am loved enough because I am loved by Him.  

Through the years, I’ve wanted a relationship with a man who adored me and loved me in the way a hopeless romantic would want to be loved.  No one could ever fill that void I felt within my heart.  No one could ever get close enough to help tear those walls down from around my heart.  I just wouldn’t allow myself to be vulnerable enough.  I was too afraid that if I loved with all I had, he would go away and I’d suffer that awful heartache.

As I have sought God’s wisdom for my life at this stage, I realize that I have probably let many of God’s blessings pass me by.  God has whispered to me that He is enough to fill the void.  I’ve learned to lean on Him and know that God is more than enough.  When you finally understand that no man or woman can fill that need we have within our very souls and no one can love us like our Lord and Savior can the walls can come tumbling down.   God has filled the hole in my heart.  He has made me complete.  He loves me more than enough.

Now that I know how wonderful this love from my Savior is and how it is a love that will never fail me or never leave me, I can allow myself to be vulnerable without fear.  I can open the door of my heart so that I am able to love a companion, a friend, a lover and a partner in the way God meant for me to love them.  I don’t have to protect my heart because God does that for me.  I can love freely and fully without the fear of ever being alone again because I am not alone even when there isn’t a romantic interest in my life.   God is more than enough.

So what I want in my life today is what God wants for me.  When we finally get to the point in our lives that we want what God wants for us and we allow Him to do the choosing for us, we can know that He will chose only the “best” for us.  I’ve learned that every time I allow myself to get impatient or decide “I want what I want” I just mess things up.  When you realize that God wants to give us the desires of our heart, you can trust that the person God selects for you will bring you a love that exceeds your expectations.   It will be beyond your wildest dreams.

No matter what your experience in life, whether your life has been filled with heartache and pain — whether you’ve been betrayed and feel you can not trust another — whether you feel you will be deserted as I have felt, whatever you’ve faced in life, let God fill your heart with love.  That love is more than enough.

Be open to God’s will when it comes to a partner in life.  God makes no mistakes and He delivers only the best for His children.  When God’s love is more than enough to fill the void within your heart, the love He delivers when He delivers your partner will only cause your heart to overflow with joy.  And, it will be worth the wait.

Old Wounds

We’ve all got old wounds.  You know what I mean…those old hurts, heartaches and disappointments in our lives.  And, sometimes we seem to let the “old” things get in the way of the present and our future.  It is difficult to live in the present when we continue to visit our past so often.  Some of us seem to live in the past; somehow thinking that if we visit often enough, we may be able to change the outcome.  Well, that is simply not possible.  We can never change the past.  What we can do is learn from it.

Our old wounds can make us stronger and if we learn from those mistakes that caused that tear in our hearts, we can become a new and improved version of our selves.  That time wasn’t wasted.  Not a day of disappointment, heartaches or hardships was wasted.  Just the thought of this excites me and gives me hope that even though I have the scars of failed relationships and disappointments, I am actually better today than I was before.

I wonder how many people can actually say they have no regrets about their past relationships, hardships or disappointments.  It has taken me some time to get to that place in my journey but I can say in all honesty and with a strong conviction that I do not regret one — not one of my failed relationships.  I do not regret the hardships I’ve endured…the loss of income at one point in my life, the disappointments I have had because I trusted someone and they betrayed me.  Nor do I regret the valleys or the days in the desert.  Were they painful?  Yes.  Did the tears flow like rain at times?  Yes, absolutely yes.  Did I feel like I could not go one more day without dying?  Yes, often.  Did I learn lessons during these times?  Oh, yes I did.  And, have I tried to apply these lessons to the life I live today?  With God’s help, I have. 

There are times I have to be reminded that I am reverting back to the past and reliving the pain and hurt.  Why do we go there?  Why do we put ourselves through the experience over and over again if we have already learned the lesson?  There seem to be days that I get into a mood that seems to be a bit cloudy and stormy.  Maybe you just describe it as a “bad mood” but hey, I like to write so I like adjectives that have a bit more passion in them.  At any rate, when those moods come, my mind reverts back to the loneliness I felt and relive those times I wish would have had different results.  When I realize I’m doing this, I also realize that I am actually in control of my own thoughts!  We can’t always help what creeps into our minds at times but we can control where our mind goes with it.  You know, you hear and old song and it takes you back.  Our minds go to that place but we can shove it aside and replace it with another much happier thought.  It isn’t easy for some but with practice, it does become easier to do.

So while old wounds will always be there, we need to learn to look at these wounds in a new way.  The best way I can explain what I mean is to think about the wounds of our Lord and Savior.  Christ was crucified on the cross and when He rose again, the wounds were very visible.  They were not beautiful in terms of the physical sense but they are beautiful in the spiritual sense.  They are beautiful because without these wounds we would not have salvation through His wonderful grace.  Our wounds are beautiful in the spiritual sense if we learn from them and become a better person.  They also make our lives better because we make better decisions and choices. 

So rather than dwell in the past, continually looking at these old wounds, why not live better lives in the present and have a better outlook on our future because of these “old wounds?”  Only when we can do this can those old wounds become beneficial.  If we continue to dwell on the old wounds, they just become larger and we get stuck in the past—missing out on the best lives we can live.  The lives Christ wants us to have because of those old wounds.  The tear in the heart becomes repaired.  The scar becomes smaller and only faintly visible.  It doesn’t go away but it only serves as a reminder that you are much better today than you were yesterday.   When we are our best selves and are open to what God has planned for us, we can begin to live a more fulfilling and happy life.  That is when God can give us the desires of our heart.  We’re not likely to mess them up then.

Who’s in control? Are we making life harder than it has to be?

A friend of mine recently sent me a little note that talked about turning your concerns, problems and questions over to Christ and let Him work things out for you.  The note suggested you should turn it over to Him and don’t go picking it back up again.   Just put it away in the SFJTD (Something for Jesus to Do) box. 

 I loved this so much that I decided to create a little box that had these letters on top and to actually make a ritual out of writing on a piece of paper whatever I was giving to Christ to handle and put it in the box.  Now, for someone who takes pride in the fact that I have my life under “control” and I’ve done a good job at taking care of myself, the thought of actually giving something to someone else to handle without my input is downright difficult….even if it is giving it to Christ.  You see, I’ve prayed that prayer before and explained to God that I was going to lay my burdens on the altar and let Him handle it for me because I didn’t know what else to do!  Yes, that’s right.  I gave it to God … only when I had tried everything I knew to do for myself.  Then and only then did I give it to God.   Does this sound familiar?

The problem with it all was that not only did I wait until I didn’t know what else to do; I also didn’t leave it with God.  After a few weeks feeling God wasn’t working quite fast enough for me, I’d sneak back in and pick it up again going about trying to work out the problem or challenge on my own again.  I know God must chuckle sometimes because He actually made me just like I am and He knows that some of the characteristics He gave me actually works for His good.  But those very characteristics of taking responsibility for myself, being analytical and good at solving problems, finding new ways to solve problems…isn’t always what is best for Sheila.  These very things that are strong characteristics are also the very things that get me into trouble.  So while sometimes God chuckles; He also cries knowing I am causing more harm than good by trying to work it out myself.  Well…I have good intentions.  My heart is in the right place.  I want to do the right thing.  I’m trying to use the talents and brain God gave me.  This “head trash” just keeps me from getting the issue resolved without worry and by not allowing Him to take care of things for me; I just mess things up and cause more problems.

While I recognize my weaknesses, I’m not about to criticize myself or beat myself up for falling down again.  I’m just going to get back up and try to do better by letting God have control.   To help me do that I was lead to scriptures that really makes things clear.  Proverbs 19:21 – “People can make all kinds of plans, but only the Lord’s plan will happen.”  God has also blessed me with some common sense.  So when that verse screamed out at me this past week, I was humbled.  Not even my best laid plans will happen if it isn’t God’s will for me.   I can plan, analyze and work myself to death trying to resolve a problem or deal with a challenge but nothing I can do will change God’s plan for my life.  This verse is pretty plain and simple.  Such a few words that says so much to those of us who feel like we are in control of our lives?  Are we really?  Are we making life’s decisions more difficult by not turning it over to God and trying to work it out ourselves?

David was a wise king and a man after God’s own heart.  When David needed some direction in his life, he turned to God to guide him.  Psalms 143:8-10 – “Tell me in the morning about your love, because I trust you.  Show me what I should do, because my prayers go up to you.  Lord, save me from my enemies; I hide in you.  Teach me to do what you want, because you are my God.  Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”

It is so much easier to walk on level ground.  And, it is easier to get to where you need to be if you have a map and a plan to get there.  From what I am reading in God’s Word, it also makes sense to let God show you the way.  You’ll get there safe and sound and also faster, even if you do have to wait on God.  The message seems to be that if we keep meddling in God’s plan for our lives, we stall the progress and deal with frustration and possible heartache along the way.  If we put it in the SFJTD box and forget about it, God’s plan for our lives will be revealed and things will work out the way they should in our lives.  God only wants good things for you and me.

So this weekend, I took several pieces of paper and wrote down the things that have kept me up at night, things that were heavy on my heart, and things I knew I could not solve.  I took a long, hard look at what I had written and asked Christ to take these things and take care of them for me.  I placed them in the little box after I prayed about them and shut the lid.  They are in the hands of Christ now.   Christ took the burden of sin on His shoulders and died on a cross so that we would have salvation through His grace.  He can also take our problems, challenges, desires and all that concerns us and put us on a path of level ground to make our journey easier and to give us a blessed life.

I’m not saying I won’t think about these things again but I am saying that this little box is in a place I can see it everyday.  Every time I look at that box, I know there are things in that box that I don’t need to pick up again because my Lord and Savior is dealing with those things.  He never sleeps and he is in control of my life every minute of the day.  I don’t need to deal with these things and that gives me more time to do for others, spend time enjoying my life and the blessings I already have in my life.  Whew, my shoulders feel lighter and my brow will definitely have less wrinkles.  That’s just another benefit of that special little SFJTD box.